When self-care isn't an option?

Malama, or what we call self-care, has been a guiding principle here at She Lives Aloha. Our kits are designed so that you take a moment for yourself. Do what you would do on vacation. Breathe a little deeper. Savor that first sip of coffee. Look around and enjoy the view.

Yet, on March 16, 2020, everything I used to do for self-care was taken away. I couldn’t escape to the coffee shop for a moment of quiet. I couldn’t go for a walk with my best friend. Getting on a plane to go to my favorite place or even driving to the beach were off the table. In fact, instead I was now expected to be a parent, a teacher, a coach, a cook, a cleaner, a business owner, and a caretaker for my parents. 

One of my simple pleasures, going to Target, had now become an anxiety-producing event. Would I be able to get the supplies my family needed? Would I get exposed to COVID-19? The day the clerk sneezed all over my groceries – and this was before masks were required – about made me crazy. 

It was that day that I realized I was going to have to find ways to incorporate malama into the new normal. I started with my shower. Whenever I would go out, I would come home and shower. I dug out my favorite passion fruit scrub from Ola and I massaged my hands and fingers. Just smelling the passion fruit would help me calm down. 

I realized I missed driving places and listening to my favorite podcast from Tim Ferris. I had been taking the kids with me on dog walks because they needed the exercise, but I realized I needed the mental stimulation more. I also find Tim’s voice very melodic and a voice of calm during this irrational time. 

I read all the articles that say that the kids are spending too much time on devices. I’m not sure they are written by people who are parents with younger kids. Wednesday night has unofficially become date night for my husband and I. We feed the kids and then let them watch a movie. We then get our beverage of choice, go outside, and watch the sunset. I know my neighbor just bought two chairs and a fire pit for the same reason. Even though we are spending twenty-four hours a day together, it still isn’t great connection time. Carving time out to chat and digest what is going on has been important for us.

What became really clear as the weeks went on was how important exercise is at the beginning of the day. Almost every morning I drag myself out of bed at 6:30 and meet my neighbor for a social-distance run. I realized that I couldn’t be there for my kids unless I put my running shoes on first. I needed to feel like I had a tiny bit of control. And, I keep hoping that we will be able to go in November for our annual Sugar Mill Run.

I wish I had time to start a new hobby or spend more time on my business, but what I’ve also held strong on is getting more sleep. Not just for keeping my immune system up, but sleep is so key for keeping your moods in check. 

I will say that, for as much as I miss people, I don’t miss being over-scheduled on weekends. One day when we were going to do a hike and then later cook dinner for family, I started to feel over-committed. Don’t get me wrong – I miss seeing the kids play sports and hanging out with the other parents, but I’ve also appreciated sleeping in on the weekends and no one getting out of pajamas before noon.  Once things go back to normal, there will be a different lens on everything.

Tell us what changes you are making in your life and how you are taking care of you.